samuraizergling: (Default)
[personal profile] samuraizergling
So, I forget to be social.

I realize that to some of you who know me this isn't a revelation, and for some of you it is impossible to imagine. How can you "forget" to be social? I can't explain it myself, but it's true. Somehow the fact that 'No really, I DO need other people' slips from my mind over and over again.

Fortunately for me, I have good people in my life who help to remind me how much better I feel... no, not better... how much MORE I feel when I am around people.

I have been emotionally dormant for the past few months. It's a kind of coping mechanism, I suppose. Sometimes emotions feel like a zero-sum game, so instead of going through highs and lows, I just flatline the whole thing. Especially during the last few months when I was feeling particularly bad about my finances. I am actually doing well considering the economy and the enormity of uprooting oneself as I did to move here, but it was a little scary there for a while. I feel a bit like one of the Scanners from the Science Fiction story "Scanners Live in Vain."

Aaaanyway. Then Arisia happened. A few months ago I happened to mention in a conversation with [ profile] mizarchivist that I was thinking of applying to be a PAX Enforcer. She suggested that I apply to volunteer at Arisia as well, and so I did. I had the best time, and even met someone (but more on that later.)

I have been a different person this last week. I know I've been through this cycle before, but no, really, I'm going to try to stay connected to everyone this time. I think that keeping myself occupied with a succession of conventions will help with this. I'm definitely attending PAX, either as an Enforcer or a regular attendee, and there are a few others coming up that I have my eye on. (Boskone and Nauticon to start)

So yea. Part of why Arisia was so fun for me was that I met someone. Or at least I think I did. I know that I got an email address and had a happy for a few days. Haven't heard back yet. NRE is a helluva drug. :)
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December 2015

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